Society has taken strides towards destigmatizing mental health in general and refraining from passing judgment on those who grapple with intense emotions. However, as a therapist, I have observed a lingering reluctance to articulate what one of my clients aptly termed “ugly emotions.” These emotions encompass feelings that many of us, myself included, have been conditioned to believe are unacceptable or inherently bad, resulting in feelings of shame and a tendency towards secrecy when experiencing them. Some of these emotions are even denounced in religious teachings as wrong or evil. While there are numerous emotions that may evoke shame, I have noticed a pervasive avoidance of discussions surrounding jealousy/envy, bitterness, and resentment.
Emotions, at their core, simply “exist.” We lack control over how we feel, but we do possess the ability to govern our behavior. Suppressing a legitimate feeling because it is deemed as something only “bad” people experience hinders our capacity to process and navigate through it. Jealousy, bitterness, and resentment often inflict internal pain on individuals, and exacerbating this with stigma or advising someone, for instance, that they shouldn’t feel jealous, only serves to complicate the process of working through these emotions.
Similar to addressing any uncomfortable emotion, such as depression, anger or anxiety, the objective is to reframe one’s perspective or cultivate coping mechanisms that mitigate the distress caused by these emotions. To navigate these feelings effectively, it becomes crucial to recognize them as natural aspects of the human experience and embrace the opportunity for growth and understanding that arises when we confront and process these so-called “ugly emotions.” Developing a compassionate and non-judgmental attitude towards oneself is a pivotal step in this journey, fostering an environment conducive to self-reflection, acceptance, and ultimately, emotional well-being.
As mental health professionals, our role is to create a safe space for individuals to explore and express their emotions, even the ones deemed unsavory by societal norms. By encouraging open dialogue and normalizing the experience of jealousy, bitterness, and resentment, we can contribute to a more compassionate and empathetic society that recognizes the inherent complexity of the human emotional landscape.
